As a student of parenting, I learn a lot of interesting stuff every year. Here are 23 fascinating kid facts for 2023.
Kids grow according to a very specific growth chart developed by scientists and doctors. Clothing companies use a different chart. Neither chart applies to your child.
Right now, a kid is hiding the thing they’ll desperately need in 4-6 hours.
Kids love helping with your projects.
Kids want all your projects to fail.
If a child chugs 8oz of apple cider in 12 seconds, they’ll throw up 14oz of pizza and cookies.
You shouldn’t give your kid your phone, even if it’s the only way to get this end-of-year newsletter written.
When a kid tries a new food, an angel loses its wings.
There’s no way of knowing where your kid put that phone.
As a kid develops their own musical taste, they’ll become obsessed with that one song that played that one time that goes “naaaaaah” can you play that one?
While kids don’t enjoy being sick, they at least want to sample every virus.
Whenever possible, kids like to sample viruses back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back.
Kids love their siblings.
Kids love their siblings the way Lenny loves rabbits.
In the olden days, kids were forced to go live on their own as soon as they started using the word “Actually.”
You can hear the phone ringing, but it still can’t be found.
Every child is come combination of these four animals: puppy, parrot, ferret, & sloth.
It’s important to teach kids.
The more they learn, the more evil kids become.
If you call me and I don’t answer, you know why.
As kids become more independent, putting them in overalls will make them dependent again.
When kids need to get somewhere quickly, they yell “blasters!” and move at normal speed.
A kid is going to knock that cup over, you gotta move your laptop ASAP.
Kids make our lives better.
I hope you find these statistics useful as you head into 2024. As we learn more about our children, they’ll continue to change and befuddle. For now, they’re cute and snotty and fun and they hid my phone somewhere in the garage.